Not finished yet

I'm excited. 

I've just called and asked my GP for a letter of referral for me to see a plastic surgeon here in town to get the final fat grafting part of my reconstruction going. It's not covered under our health care like the rest of the recon was, so if I have to pay for it I want to choose and get a few opinions and see a plastic surgeon who specializes in breast augmentation/reconstruction and liposuction so I get the best results I can. I've done some hunting and learned that there are 2 of these highly rated surgeons in my home town who are both in the same office and I am excited to hopefully have an appointment with one of them soon. I want  their opinion on how to finish up my reconstruction so you can't see the edges of my implant under my skin anymore. The bottom of my foob looks alright because of the muscle moved around to build the breast pocket and I'm pleased with it sizewise, but the top and side of the implant are really visible through my skin. This is because when they did my radical mastectomy they took all extra tissue and fat from my chest, so there's just nothing there under my skin to cover up and hide the implant...and now that I've fully healed the edge of the implant can be seen and my ribs are more noticeable. There is no fat to cushion between me and my bra, with a pronounced gap on the inside and sometimes bras or tops rub in an uncomfortable way because there is no fat layer there. My reconstructed breast just isn't finished. I was warned fat grafting could be needed for me because I'm smaller and as much as I've tried to just ignore it, it really is the case after all. JJ doesn't care (sweet man) and I look fine with clothes on, but there is a restriction on how "normal" some cuts of clothing can look because of this. I don't want more surgery, but after much thought, I don't want to just leave it either.

Since my wonderful dad offered to pay for fat grafting for me I'm just gonna get started already. I was gonna wait to get a few pounds back off so I'm at the "regular" me for surgery (I'm worried if I lose any weight after I'll lose the fat they moved too...just one of many questions to ask the surgeon). I put this surgery off because it might require multiple operations and I couldn't bear paying for one and not really being able to pay for another - I couldn't justify spending so much money just for my own vanity...but it really is frustrating. With Dad's help I can do what I need to to fix it. It's a huge relief. Now that my life is returning to a semblance of normal I can focus on these things again.

It's silly but part of me feels bad at not going back to my original surgeon for this but I don't feel he has any particular expertise in this regards, and I know he could try and maybe would be fine at it, but if I'm gonna pay for it I want someone who can do the best work possible so I don't have any more surgeries than necessary. My original surgeon who did my mastectomy did a great job, but he was not a reconstructive plastic surgeon so I was assigned to a different plastic surgeon for that par...and I think tried his best, but I don't know if he has any specialized skills in breast reconstruction. He was great for me for my delayed recon after radiation and he tried his best with what he had to work with and I really like him...but nice isn't always best. My breast is not normal looking at all and I want to change that if I can and meet with another surgeon as well as him to see what my options are. 

Here's hoping I  get an appointment soon for some answers and ideas.


On a different, equally amazing note I have 700 googley eyes coming in the mail. All sizes. Self adhesive. Squee...